Is your leadership shadow eclipsing your leadership potential?
Having the name Scott Morrison has been an unanticipated challenge in the past decade. There is literally not a day that goes by when someone will catch my name, smile and make an attempt at humour, and I reply "yes yes I'm the other one." On the bright side, it's easier for people to remember my name!
When I'm invited to speak at churches and other events, the host almost always makes the obligatory comment about me not being the ex-PM and for the most part, it seems people are either disappointed or relieved. And its this response that gives me great sympathy for both my name sake, and all leaders.
Leadership is a tremendously polarising vocation, especially under the spotlight of public scrutiny, a veracious media and competing expectations that even Jesus could not satisfy. It seems that the sport of choice for both mainstream and social media is stone throwing at leaders. I'm all for accountability, but it's easy to throw stones from a distance s whilst having absolutely no idea what difficulty their leadership involves or the complexity of the problems they have to solve . Currently in Australian politics the PM and his treasurer are in the bad books, One nation has all sides of politics nervous and further afield, Starmer was just ousted by his own party, and Trump is perhaps the most polarising political figure of our time.
It seems rare to hear of a leader that people actually like.... while they are alive. Why is that? Can it really be that hard?
Good leadership is a cocktail of extraordinary competencies, charisma and character. But even with all three, a person can be an absolute nightmare to work with or under. Have you experienced this? That's because there is another critical ingredient in good leadership, an intangible quality that is harder to define, rarely discussed or trained in - often called Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is about clarity in understanding ourselves and others, and managing relationships in healthy ways. It is a kind of literacy for the soul - being able to read yourself and the room. Importantly, it's not a binary thing you either have or don't have. E.I is a lifelong posture and discipline to cultivate because there is always more to learn, and learn again about ourselves and those around us. Even as I write this I feel acutely aware of my own gaps!
This sounds obvious, but strangely it's more assumed competency than developed, and none come with this attribute preloaded…. even pastors, and let me just say it, especially blokes! Adults are assumed to be emotionally self aware, self regulating and empathic, but are we? We don't learn these competencies in our education system and our digital culture is doing little to grow relational muscles in real life. We also often have much to unlearn from our family systems and strangely, even the church can be a place that fosters emotional disfunction under the guise of hyper spirituality. As Peter Scazzero, in Emotionally Healthy Leadership noted, "it is entirely impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature" - but don't we all like to try!
Leadership surfaces our deepest insecurities. When the pressure is on, our factory settings often kick in, and we compensate by trying to control others. When leaders lack personal or relational awareness, people can get hurt, teams struggle and everyone feels the impact. I've been there, and I bet you have too.
Job interviews are much better at clarifying hard skills than soft skills. Who a person really is may not be revealed till long after the appointment, when the honeymoon ends and the pressure is on. Then we begin to experience their leadership shadow, which is the impact you have on your colleagues when you aren't even thinking about it. Their shadow is revealed in the way they say something, how they act, what or who they prioritise, privilege and celebrate.
Our shadows shapes the culture. Does they inspire competence or assign blame? Do people feel safe to contribute or are they waiting for the next decree? Can they be brave and honest, or will they be shut down?
Your shadow is often larger and louder than you.... and if you aren't actively scrutinising your shadow, your shadow is the real leader people have to work with or tip toe around.
What we don't realise, is that those around us are often much more aware of our shadow than we are. They notice our tone, our approach to pressure or conflict, and they sense whether we actually value them or just their outputs. If you’ve never stopped to ask those you work with how they would describe your shadow, you might be leading in the dark.
How do people respond to our shadows?
- Some may have the guts to challenge you about your shadow, but depending on the power differential, or their previous interactions with you, that kind of confrontation is often too scary or risky.
- Alternatively some people learn to navigate your shadow, overlook it, placate it or explain it away. They may refer to you as eccentric, or perhaps unconventional. Maybe they say you are just forced to work too hard, or are "brilliant at what you do"... as though the ends justifies the means.
- Or they simply get so fed up, they leave.
A better plan would be to treat emotional intelligence as a personal and organisational value to name, train and prioritise.
But how? Where do you begin?
- Firstly, emotional intelligence can be improved. It is developed throughout your life by inviting feedback, mentally rehearsing new habits, and closing the gap between the leader you think you are and the leader you actually are. Tools like 360 reviews, when administered correctly are a brilliant way of exploring our shadows and responding in healthy ways.
- Professional supervision can also be a great way opening the lid on our lives and exploring what is going on within. 6-10 hours of professional supervision is required (or strongly advised) for church leaders and pastors each year to help them process much of what happens in their highly relational work. But there is really no reason why this kind of objective, external support is not of value to any leader wanting to grow. If you are a church leader looking for a professional supervisor check out this link
- There are several authors worth exploring on this subject. For Christian Leaders a entry level book might be Peter Scazzero's The Emotionally Healthy Leader is a popular favourite particularly in understanding our leadership shadows. See link.
- There is very little formal training available in this space however I want to recommend a one day workshop on precisely this topic offered by Partners In Ministry. This workshop is both scheduled and available to groups of 8 or more on request. For more information go here.
- Finally, developing EI should in theory, correlate with a maturing Christian life. The gospel offers us an epistemological foundation on which to build a healthy understanding of self (the basis of our sense of identity, value and worth, what true success looks like, what it means to love thy neighbour, to serve, and steward power). The Christian tradition also offers a practical pathway for self examination, humility and renewal of heart and mind. The gathered community of the church is also a unique environment where people can sharpen and encourage one another in their life's journey.
